Telling People

I knew it would have to come out sometime or another. So far people have been only on a “need to know” basis. Until recently I felt like that select group of people did not include my Sherpa (the person assigned to mentor my internship search) nor a certain professor. One of the reasons I applied to BYU was so I could specifically work with a professor whom I have long admired for his role in alleviating worldwide poverty. Last summer I attended a symposium to tell him how much I looked forward to working with him. The first week of school he sent my sister an email telling her to have me contact him so that we could get working. Meanwhile I was having regular meetings with my Sherpa and had a list of ten companies I planned to go after for an internship. I was clearly passionate about one and he and I created a game plan to get into that one door. Then came the news that changed my life.

I shouldn’t have been surprised, really. I knew the laws of biology, but I also had a background in statistics and had become adept at playing the odds. Eventually biology prevailed and our family will grow to three during finals week of next year. The news, of course, brought a personal paradigm shift. Suddenly helping the poor in Ghana would have to wait. My dream of working at Southwest didn’t seem as important. This summer will be much different than I had planned, and much different than the majority of the MBA class of 2012. This decision was logical to me when I spoke with my husband at home, but at school it seemed to be more cloudy. I struggled with thoughts like “Maybe I could take a trip in March instead”, “lots of mothers leave their children at six weeks old. I could theoretically complete a traditional internship just like everyone else”, “no one will find out for months. Why should I tell anyone now?” I was stuck in a quandary of not wanting to disappoint my Sherpa and my professor. I started to avoid both of them by not returning emails. I knew this was not the right answer, but it sure was easier! Finally I knew I had to contact both of them. I met with my Sherpa and told him straightforwardly that I was no longer interested in pursuing a traditional internship. He told me that he completely understood my change in situation and that maybe we should focus on the theory and skills of how to secure employment rather than the practical application at this time. Together, we crafted a plan that would allow him to utilize his talents to teach me the “how’s” of the process. I now feel like I am in a comfortable position with him where I no longer feel pressure to do something that will go against my current top priority and I also feel like I am not wasting this valuable opportunity to learn from such a highly accomplished person. Our relationship is stronger than ever and I was able to show leadership skills by exhibiting human frailty and my unwillingness to attempt to “do it all”. My professor and I are still working on a time we can meet which will work for both of us, but at least I am no longer afraid to tell him of my new convictions.