Eavesdropping

The coffee shop had an urban style. It was at once cozy, yet not quite comfortable. I wasn’t sure exactly how I felt, sitting alone sipping on a skim milk steamer surrounded by strangers in Chicago’s Boys Town. I was there waiting for my best friend to finish some work online for the day. The coffee shop had the designation of being the only 24 hour shop with free wifi in the northern half of Chicago so my friend visited regularly to study for the CFA. As I was a guest in town, I didn’t want to disturb any of my friend’s regular rituals so I endeavored to entertain myself while waiting. After working on some of my own schoolwork for a while, I wandered over to two nice leather couches. Young professionals with laptops were seated at tables all around me busily working and as I reclined on a couch, I seemed to be the only one looking to relax and pass the time. As I looked for something other than “Out” magazine to read, two middle aged men came into the shop and sat on the only other couch- directly across from me.

Their conversation began benignly enough with introductions and a few pleasantries, but soon one began to relate rather significant details about his personal life to the other. I tried to immerse myself in a magazine to keep from eavesdropping but the temptation to attempt to figure out the nature of their relationship was too strong and I found myself listening intently. Soon they were trading stories about their children to each other, which ruled out my first idea that I was witnessing a blind date. As they discussed their parenting beliefs and styles, I abandoned my first goal of deciphering their relationship and moved on to analyzing their ideas and gleaning what I could use as advice for a new mother.

They discussed how difficult it was to watch their children make mistakes or fail. One was emphatic, though, about his decision to let his child have those experiences. He believed that if his teenage daughter failed now, she would have a more solid footing and understanding of the world and her strengths when it was time for her to go to college. As I pondered this strategy, I thought about my day. Before I met up with my friend, I had spent most of the day at the NSHMBA conference in South Chicago where I had effectually failed. I had spoken to at least thirty companies, each who politely took my resume but none of which offered to interview me. As I trudged up and down each aisle with a smile painted on my face both my feet and my discouragement swelled. So many of my colleagues from BYU had enjoyed successes or at least been tapped for interviews that I felt like I was a complete failure and I had wasted time and money by coming here. I thought to myself “If I had just stayed home I could have tried out a few more recipes on my husband and organized a few more closets this week. That probably would have prepared me more for next summer anyway”.

But as I listened to these ambiguous men, I had an epiphany. Today’s failure wasn’t a complete waste. Though it certainly didn’t feel good emotionally or physically, I actually had accomplished what I had set out to do, which was gain a deeper understanding of the recruiting process for an MBA graduate. As Twyla Tharp stated, “The ritual of asking “What’s in it for me?” might not provide the most open-minded philosophy of life, but it will keep me focused on my goals”. Because my goals are different than those of about 95% of my class, I must continually keep them at the forefront of my mind so I can measure progress according to the right rubric. I learned a number of valuable lessons today (mostly about what not to do) and in so doing feel like I, too, am on a more solid ground for a future job search. Just as these men were discussing, a fear of failure on the part of a parent, an MBA student, or a subsequent professional can have a debilitating effect on one’s ultimate goals and performance. I must be willing to continue to take risks, stretch myself and participate in uncomfortable circumstances in order to continue to learn and grow throughout my life. I know that agency is a divine gift and if I allow fear of failure to debilitate me into not using this gift, then I keep myself from progressing. That helped me to make the decision to continue on this unconventional job search so I can continue to grow now and in the future.